To Find an Uke
by TinkerKitty
Summary: Itachi needs to prove his manliness after the stunt that Sasuke pulled, but how? Maybe he could get an uke to brag about how much of a man Itachi is... but where will he find one of those? With help from the non-existant Yaoi fan club, of course.


To Find an Uke

Itachi paced, twitched, paced, plotted, and paced some more for a whole week, but couldn't come up with a way to regain his manliness. He thought of finding an Uke that would brag about how much of a man the man of the Uchiha house (never mind that Itachi was the only one in it) was, and that his sore ass was physical proof of Itachi's manliness.

The problem? He didn't know where to find an uke. He knew of the Underground Society for Ukes, and that Naruto was part of it, but he didn't know where to find it and there was no way he would ask Naruto for help.

Besides, he couldn't ask Naruto to be his uke anyways. Not only would the blonde not agree, he wouldn't brag about how manly Itachi is because everyone knows he loves Sasuke. Not like Itachi really cared; he lusted after Naruto, but didn't feel anything other than friendship towards him.

*****

Sakura and Ino, girls that would be presidents of the SasuNaru Yaoi Fan Club (that doesn't exist) held a meeting with people who would also be in the club (but don't, because it doesn't exist) for two reasons. One: Their non-existent club would become a general Yaoi Fan Club so that they can fawn over Itachi and not feel like they're betraying Sasuke and Naruto and two: They wanted to help Itachi.

They thought of getting Itachi an uke, too. They also had connections with the Underground Society for Ukes, and therefore could find one. Now they just had to decide on who.

"Well, we know he likes blonde hair and blue eyes, since it's common knowledge that Itachi lusts after Naruto," Sakura said.

"True, but what about personality?" Ino asked.

Nobody had an answer to that question, but Neji had an idea. "When I was looking for an uke, I saw this blonde guy with blue eyes. He acted a lot like Naruto."

"We can try. What's his name?"

"Deidara."

*****

Itachi had just begun to pace again when the doorbell rang. He had to look out the peephole like a paranoid loser to make sure it wasn't some random person there to laugh in his face - and nearly be killed afterwards.

Instead of someone he could kill, Itachi saw an adorable blonde haired, blue eyed, blushing uke. He opened the door with the grace of someone who just found the answer to his life - not that he and any life questions that needed an answer, but this blonde was the perfect person to prove his manliness to.

"Who are you?" While he wanted to have sex with this guy, Itachi didn't want to look desperate.

"Deidara."

"Why are you here?"

"Neji-san said that you needed an uke to regain you pride, and you liked blondes with blue eyes."

"Come in."

Itachi, being the manly man that he is, proved his manliness to Deidara many times that night - and didn't make him pass out while doing so. (HA! Take that, little brother.)

*****

A group of people just happened to be standing beneath someone's window when they heard the moans of an uke whose seme was proving that he was a man. Oh, look! I wonder what Ino's video camera is doing in that tree.

*****

Sasuke and Naruto tuned out Deidara when they heard the words "Itachi is definitely a man" come out of his mouth.

"Oh well, it was fun while it lasted," Sasuke said.

"Yeah. That was a good one, Sasuke." Naruto grinned. "You know Sasuke, passing out made you look like a fragile woman. I think you need to remind me how much of a man you are."

*****

"Hey Sakura, you wouldn't happen to have anything for a sore ass, would you?" Naruto asked his pink-haired friend.

"Not with me, no."

"Oh. Hey Sakura, why are there tissues everywhere?"

"Allergies."

"Since when did allergies make your nose bleed?"

"It's really rare, with a long name that's really hard to pronounce. Anyways, go ask Hinata. She seems to be an expert on making creams for boys with sore asses."

"Thanks Sakura!" Naruto left, and Sakura could only hope he didn't tell Sasuke about this 'really rare' allergy. He might catch on.


End file.
